


Akko's 18th Birthday 2: The Totally Unauthorized Sequel

by KriegsaffeNo9



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Birthday Crack, Birthday Fluff, Cosplay, Crack, F/F, Movie Night, Reference Humor, Slime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 19:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15079757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KriegsaffeNo9/pseuds/KriegsaffeNo9
Summary: Akko's birthday movie takes a turn for the deadly(?) when Sucy subjects her to a myriad of challenges in the name of the ultimate prize: the opportunity to pet a dinosaur.  Can Akko survive?  Will Diana understand the things that Akko likes?  Is this in any way related to the fanfic by Zhana?  (No.)  All of this and more in a very slightly late birthday fic!





	Akko's 18th Birthday 2: The Totally Unauthorized Sequel

"4:35 blaze it sorry traffic was crazy" -- Pakalu Papito

Diana nibbled Akko's ear. "Are you ready for some fun, Akko dearest?"

"Ooooh I so am!" Akko said, vibrating in place from sheer excitement. "We're dressed up all pretty, we're gonna get good and wasted, and we're gonna go see Jurassic World Twooooo!" Akko could contain herself no longer and jumped around like an excited five-year-old. "Star-Lord and di-no-saurs and scary spooky super-monsters~!"

"Yes, we are," Diana said, giggling.

The Last Light Theater was a stately movie palace that deigned show the big new movies on top of art films and classics, cult or otherwise, and also served food and alcohol. Akko was of course having a sugary jump-around out front where everyone could see.

Sucy emerged through the doors, dressed in a body-concealing robe. "Oh, did I hear you wanted to see the new dinosaur movie with that one guy in it?" Sucy said.

"Yahuhyahuhyahuh!" Akko said, nodding ferociously.

"I'll do you one better," Sucy said. "How'd you like to meet a real dinosaur?"

"Is it like that time in school where they brought out a chicken and then laughed at us?" Akko said.

"Nope," Sucy said, pulling out a young velociraptor from her robes. It was a realistic one inasmuch as recent scientific research has confirmed, with sleek sand-colored feathers splashed with spots and stripes of red and brown. And it had the toe claws and a tail so it wasn't just a chicken like in school! The velociraptor bobbed its head back and forth while being about three feet long due to being a juvenile.

Akko's eyes damn near bugged out of her head. "Can he wait like two hours for the movie to be over?"

"...sure," Sucy said, stepping aside.

"Thanks, Sucy! See you later, dinosaur!" Akko sped through the door. "C'mon, the pre-show's about to start!"

"Thank you for the thoughtful..." Diana said. "Wait, is this a gift or is it some kind of...?"

"Of course it's a gift," Sucy said, rubbing the raptor against Diana's chest to neither creature's satisfaction. "I wouldn't be the kind of a jerk who promises a dinosaur and then doesn't come through."

"shrieeee" the velociraptor said.

Diana performed the "I have my eye on you" gesture and followed Akko.

"She doesn't suspect a thing," Sucy said, stroking the raptor's head with one finger.

The raptor screamed at its own ass.

"That one blog _said_ you were only as smart as a possum," Sucy said.

* * *

The Indoraptor hissed at the heroic heroes; after a merry chase, it had cornered them in the old man's listening room, done up in band posters, exotic music-listening formats, and a myriad of signed instruments hanging from the walls, including a precariously-dangling piano. "Hssss..." the Indoraptor said, "at long last, I've got you all cornered." It tittered and stroked its jaw with its stroke-claw, a taloned member genetically designed to deliver nothing but bad touches. "Once I'm done with you, nothing will stand between me and my new world--my Jurassic world."

"Yeah, we dropped the title like an hour and a half ago," Owen said, cracking his knuckles. "Mama said knock you out, so I'm gonna knock you out!"

The little girl hopped out in front. "No--I'm gonna knock him out!" Body rigid as a statue, the little girl flung herself at the Indoraptor, who casually tail-whipped her through a drum set.

Claire cringed. "Ooh, that looked like it hurt. Are you alright... little girl?"

The girl pounced out of the drum set, toe claws clicking on the checkerboard-pattern tile. "My name is Nemesis!" she said.

"That's our Nemmy," Claire said, shouldering her customized Browning M2 heavy machine gun. "Now cover your ears and wait for the signal!" She pulled the trigger and the gun collapsed into every single individual component, down to the bullets popping free from their casings and jackets and the ammo belt disintegrating into a pile of loose fiber. " _Nevermind_ ," she said, crossing her arms and kicking the largest chunk in a huff. "Okay, third time's the charm. Owen, what's your plan?"

Owen pointed at a guitar, which flung free from the wall and into his arms. "Indo, I'm gonna invoke my right of droite-de-sig-nore."

The ghost of Koko the gorilla shimmered out of the wall--and in the real world, out of the theater, hovering in midair like a misaligned hologram.

"Holy crap, I know that great ape!" Owen said, pointing. "She was totally alive when we made this movie!"

"Mark your calendars," Claire said, "this specific showing of Jurassic World 2 is haunted."

"Wait," Nemesis said, "the ghost ape thing's happening right here and now, you mark your calendar for something that's upcoming, like a wedding, or the rapture that's never gonna happen."

"Hush, child," Owen said, placing a finger on his mouth. "Let the gorilla say what she's gonna say. In sign language. Which you hear with your eyes."

Koko cracked her knuckles in imitation of Owen and said, with all due solemnity, "Word say right isˈdrɑː də seɪˈnjɜːr."

"Thanks, Koko!" Owen said, saluting her.

"Welcome bye," Koko signed, and vanished back into the ether with naught left but a stain of ectoplasm on the movie screen.

"Anyway, droid du seigneur. Pick up yo' axe and let's shred, bitch!" Owen said, laying out a few demonstrative licks.

The Indoraptor invoked its infernal sponsor's true name and conjured a six-necked hell guitar from probably hell, a spiky instrument wreathed in unholy flame. Predictably, the two began to perform dueling covers of "Dinosaur" by King Crimson.

In the audience, Akko sniffed, trying not to cry into her artisinal popcorn. "My God," she said, "it's even better than I imagined."

Diana stared at the film in mute shock as she had been for most of the film.

* * *

Akko had to lead Diana out of the theater, even though she could hardly see through the tears.

"Wasn't that sad?" Akko said. "The bad guys won, the space station crashed into the Earth..."

"Seems to be a theme this year," Diana said, trying to think of something in the movie she would ever want to talk about. "I mean, as far as sad endings go, it wasn't quite Infinity Wa--" She realized her mistake half a second before Akko broke down bawling into her shoulder. "Mother Mormo, I can't believe we saw that one five times." She saw a convenient out: Sucy waiting by the womens' restroom with the young velociraptor perched on her shoulder. "Oh, look, Akko, there's--"

"DINOSAUR!" Akko said, wiping tears and snot off on her sleeve. "I'm comin' for ya, raptor!"

"Just follow me into this magic door," Sucy said drawing a many-angled star on the wall next to the womens' restroom and stepping into it as though the wall weren't there. Akko abandoned

Diana and plunged into the wall heedless of safety; Diana took another moment to ready herself for whatever ludicrousness was about to happen and followed.

* * *

Akko emerged through the magic passwall into a lightless labyrinth. Far away she heard the sound of dripping water echoing through ebony corridors; her heels clicked on stone and scraped rough sand.

"Open the door, get on the floor," Akko sang, "Akko's gonna pet a dinosaur..."

After only a few face-first stumbles into dead ends, Akko stumbled face-first into a precipitous drop that landed her on a trampoline that immediately snapped and dropped her onto cold tile floor without a significant reduction in falling speed.

Akko took a moment to really get into the concussion before wobbling back to her feet. She was in the most generic possible starting room, gray concrete walls and floor, a ceiling with hanging studio lamps casting a stark fullbright glow onto her and the ruined trampoline and the giant flatscreen TV bolted to the doors leading, presumably, out. The TV flickered on.

"Oh, hey Sucy, hey Wangari, hey Amanda," Akko said, stepping over the trampoline's frame. "Wassup? And was there a cosplay thing I wasn't told about?"

On the TV screen, Sucy sat on a serpent-themed throne. Her hair was frizzy, combed back save for one lock covering her eye, and she wore a red sequined dress, red sequined earrings, and giant, feathery sequined shoulder pads. The velociraptor was in her lap, and she was petting it along the grain with one finger. "You might could say," Sucy said. "It's a very special cosplay event I call _my vengeance_."

"Vengeance?" Akko said.

"Yes," Sucy said, "vengeance."

"...foorrrrr?"

"You'll die never knowing," Sucy said.

Wangari gently elbowed her in the side. "Hey, people ain't into no-motive bad guys lately." Wan was dressed in faux leather opera gloves and some kind of plunging-neckline bulletproof vest; her hair was worn loose and messy and she sported white makeup and an amber contact lens on her left eye.

"If you insist," Sucy said, shrugging so passive-aggressively it defied being passive. The raptor took the opportunity to hop out of her hands and wander off. "You've been entirely too happy and cutesy-wootsy with Diana lately and it's pissing me off."

"And Diana totally made a frickin' mockery of me in alchemy!" Amanda said, adjusting black-framed nerd glasses. Her hair was prim and slicked back and her boy's outfit of choice was a black pinstripe number and combat umbrella. "So, you know, like the cartoon said, that's a paddlin'."

"Ah, right, she did, and then she kissed me~" Akko mimed getting kissed by Diana. "Mm mweh mweh yeah Di gimmie a kissy-kiss~"

Sucy whistled and a tiny remote control with a single red button dangled from above by a power cord or whatever. "Yeah, exactly. Anyhow, if you want to pet this dinosaur--"

"And I do!" Akko said.

"--simply survive this gauntlet and reach the end. Fail to survive, and you die." Sucy realized too late she had fallen into Akko's trap.

"Only if it kills me!" Akko said, pumping her fist.

Sucy fumed. "That is the ten thousandth time you've quoted that at me and it's starting to get real fuckin' old."

"C'mon, you walked right into that, boss," Wangari said, smirking. Sucy whistled, and a second remote control dropped down, which she took into hand and hit the button. A hefty glob of green slime fell from above and landed on Wangari with a loud _splut_ , covering her upper body in an instant. She stood in place, attempting to maintain dignity and lasting nearly five seconds before stumbling off to clean up. Amanda took a half-step away from Sucy.

"Anyway," Sucy said through grit teeth, "win, or don't, whatever." She hit the first button and the doors opened, splitting the TV in half in a spray of plastic shards and electronic components. Beyond them was a gauntlet of spikes, floating platforms, gun turrets firing energy pellets in rhythmic patterns at nothing in particular, et cetera.

Akko checked her wand's stored mana. "Alright," she said, "let's... uh... shit, what's a good one..." She gnawed on her wand's emitter tines. "Nrrgh, I should have something for this... ah, whatever, I'll say I did later. Not like anyone's watching!"

* * *

"Are the cameras on?" Wangari shouted from the emergency shower stall.

"Yes, pet," Sucy said, kicking back on her snake chair and browsing her phone.

"Excellent! This is gonna make a hell of a sports section."

"I'm sure it will." Sucy glanced up at the obligatory wall o' monitors that came free with the dungeon they'd pooled funds to buy. Akko, it seemed, had settled on a costume.

* * *

"Metamorphie vestis!" Akko said, tapping herself with her wand. Green light swam across her body and over her eyes; the spell burst and Akko was left wearing a black domino mask, a long red scarf, a scandalously body-hugging superhero costume with black shoulders, gloves, and briefs, and a red core with an eight-pointed starburst on her chest. Her legs were bare and her feet protected by black boots with red trim.

As a bonus, her hair was now majestically feathered.

"Stand back and prepare for the future, babe, 'cause Ms. Marvel's on the case!" Akko said. She popped her joints, warmed up for a run, and dashed headlong into the platforming chamber.

* * *

Sucy, and soon Wangari, watched Akko tackle the first challenge.

In the first few seconds Akko cleared a ten foot gap with a tia-freyre-assisted double jump, slid under a barrage of ninja stars, hopped onto a bounce pad, and wall-kicked her way between closing spike walls 'til she hit the first checkpoint.

"Huh," Sucy said. "She's actually pretty good at this."

"...you thought she wouldn't be?" Wangari said.

"Well, kind of?"

Akko jumped over a jet of flames, tossing a fire extinguisher at the flamethrower nozzle and succeeding in just knocking it free of its mount, burning fuel spouting in an unpredictable pattern in a massive area. "Well!" Akko said, pondering her next move.

"I mean," Sucy said, "obviously she's got the durability to handle this. That I have no doubt."

Akko dropped a grenade behind her and surfed the shockwave over a gap too long to jump over and tucked and rolled into a chute that popped her out the other side and safely in the next challenge. Mostly safely, other than being a little bit on fire from the last gap being over a pool of magma. (Lava?) She pat herself out and, coincidentally, also on the back. "Yeah!" Akko said. "America!"

"...hrrm," Sucy said. "Better tell Amanda to pop on Diana sooner than later."

"Got it," Wangari said. "YO, 'MANDA!"

"WHAT!" Amanda shouted from the other next room over.

"DO THE DIANA THING, IT'S TIME!"

"SURE, _MOM_."

"DON'T YOU BACKTALK ME, SWEETIE!"

"I'LL BACKTALK YOU _ALL NIGHT LONG! UNF!_ " Wangari couldn't see her, but she was absolutely certain--and absolutely right--that Amanda was grabbing her crotch.

"You can stop shouting now," Sucy said.

* * *

Akko cleared her throat and strode onstage. She waved to the audience in the small set of bleachers facing the stage and approached the microphone.

"Hey hey hey hey," she said, "I just flew in from Mass Effect Andromeda, and boy, is my face tired!" She made the most neutral expression she could force.

A laugh track played from the bank of machine guns seated on the bleachers. "Congratulations," a prerecorded Sucy said, "you have officially scored above the average nerdcore comedy performance." The machine gun bleachers receded into the floor and were replaced by a bank of flamethrowers, pilot lights guttering at the end sof nozzles. "For my next trick, in twenty words or less, how would you improve the recent Stephen Spielberg blockbuster Ready Player One?" A pair of nixie lights blazed above the flamethrowers, showing the number 20.

"Uh..." Akko said, and the lights changed to 19. She crossed her fingers. "It's... yuri..."

Applause played and the flamethrowers turned on themselves, melting each other flamer to slag. It got uncomfortably hot in the small room. "Congratulations," Sucy said sometime earlier, "you have successfully outdone a man paid to make movies and someone who was paid upon completion of writing a book. One last sub-trial remains." A robot arm with a knife popped out of the stage in front of her, just beyond the microphone. "Why are my tits bigger than yours?"

" _Are_ they?" Akko said.

The knife stabbed at her; she stepped to the side and the arm just kept stabbing empty air, knocking over the microphone stand in its fury.

Akko crept off the stage, trying to avoid the still-warm flamethrower slag. The door at the other end of the room was unlocked, so she snuck to the next challenge, vowing to never look a gift horse in the mouth, especially now.

* * *

"Yo, Diana!" Amanda said on the small flat-screen TV bolted to the door.

Diana looked up from her magazine in the labyrinth's waiting room. "Yes?" she said.

"Akko's about to get murdered, wanna help her stop being murdered?"

Diana was already on her feet and armed with her wand. "Where is she?!"

"I'll lead you there, just mind the, like, monsters and shit. Also, you gotta cosplay or you break a rule or... whatever."

"Wait. You're dressed up as someone?"

"Yeah, man! Didn't you ever see Kingsmen?"

"So you're a young King George IV?"

Amanda glared at her. "Who? I'm Eggsy, man!"

"I don't know who that is," Diana said.

"You're coming to the next team movie night, and you better pay some frickin' attention," Amanda grumbled. "Whatever, just... dress up. Make it cool."

Diana rest her wand's tines on her forehead. "I can do that."

* * *

Akko kicked in the door leading to the fourth trial (you don't need to know the third one, Sucy really phoned it in). "This better be the last one, I'm gettin' antsy!" Akko said. She took a few steps into the fourth chamber. "Wow! Now I'm in a completely different place."

This was a larger room than the last two, the centerpiece being a three-level arena with ramps connecting the three open floors, such that one could, say, zap someone on the third floor from the first, or vice-versa. There were a multitude of red barrels planted around the room and on each of the arena's floors.

"More stupid radioactive waste," Akko said, gently kicking a drum. "And with my luck, some creature's probably SHIT!" She fired off a barrage of fusilo spells at a drum on the far end of the arena, exploding them and doing zero appreciable damage to the spectral being materializing before her. Said being looked like... "Diana?" Akko said.

She looked like Diana, albeit with bizarrely exaggerated curves and a uniform that barely existed. She bat her heavily made-up eyes at Akko. "Diana? No. Call me _Bi_ -ana _Sex-havin'_ -dish. I'm a level 69 fuckubus from the planet Sex Earth. And these are my sexy sisters..."

Two more Dianas appeared besides her, and Akko tried not to get her hopes up.

The right Diana licked the blade of a gigantic knife; her hair was black with red streaks and her eyes blazed crimson, and her uniform looked like it'd been dipped in bloody tar. "I'm _Die_ -ana _Stabbin'_ -dish, and I'm so into you I could make you die, and everybody who won't let me and you be together, also, they could die too I mean, because I killed them."

"I'm... sniff..." The left Diana dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. Her eyes were puffy and her uniform soaked with tears. "I'm _Cry_ -ana _Sobbin'_ -dish... and... my life... it's just... it's just so sad... I can't even... snff! I can't even come up with a different name pun!" She sobbed into her hands.

"Okay," Akko said, "just... I need a sec to clear my head." She covered her eyes and took a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds. "Okay! Are any of you, like, the real Diana, singularly or together?"

"No," Cry-ana said, and the other two yelled at her. "I'm s-sorry, but it's the truth! We're just, whatsit, magic things!"

"Alright," Akko said, reaching behind her. "Tell you what, I have enough mana for one more good spell, and I'm gonna cast it, but just so you know, I'd like you to plug your ears and close your eyes so it's a surprise."

"Is it a good surprise?" Die-ana said.

"It is," Akko said.

"Is it a _big, hard_ surprise that'll make us _scream_?" Bi-anna said, panting.

"Oh, baby, yes," Akko said.

"Is it a chainsaw?" Cry-ana said.

"N... okay, yeah. _Arma ciere_!" Akko summoned a mighty chainsaw and revved it up. "Yeah, baby! Let's light this candle!"

"Hey, wait, what if--" Cry-ana said before Akko leaped fifteen feet into the air, front-rolling a good dozen times before bringing the chainsaw screeching through Cry-ana, bisecting her vertically in a burst of green magic light.

A light on the far door lit. One of three.

"You guys gonna make this hard, or you wanna go easy on me?" Akko said, aiming the blade at the remaining pseudo-Dianas.

"You know I love it when it's ha--" Bi-ana said before finding out what a chainsaw tasted like, as the poet said.

"Whatever," Die-ana said, getting in a final tweet before Akko slashed her up with two scything strikes forming a crimson X in the air.

She powered down the chainsaw and slung it over her shoulder as she stepped into the next room, which was small, decorated with cloudy-sky wallpaper, and sporting a YOU'RE WINNER! banner. "Woo!" Akko said, pumping her fist. "Easy! Now it's time to pet the hell out of that dinosaur!"

"Yes it is," Sucy said over a loudspeaker. "But to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible, we're going to need to disinfect you, what with the... viruses... and all."

"Sure," Akko said, popping her back.

"Breathe normally. Prepare for mist."

Akko breathed normally, and a white fog billowed from emitters built into the walls. It smelled vaguely of lilacs. And then she was asleep.

* * *

Akko yawned. "Ah, that was a nice action nap. Mm, time to break free of these restraints and pet that..." She blinked. "Wait."

Ah, she was chained beneath a giant stone dinosaur skull, the chains attached to a stone wall bearing Sucy's glowering face, and she was standing in a shallow divot, the slate-gray stones shining with a green patina in what seemed to be Sucy's throne room, or at least Sucy's snake throne was there, as was a bank of TVs she had been watching, and Amanda and Wangari were there too! Both of them were on their phones, mind, Wangari typing and Amanda playing.

"Hello?" Akko said. "Can... are you gonna bring the dinosaur to me?"

Sucy scratched the velociraptor's scruff. "Sooner than later, Atsuko Kagari. After your final humiliation is complete."

A small child in a rubber pig mask ambled up from behind the throne to a big lever jutting from the ground near Sucy's snake throne, or snone.

"When you say 'final humiliation,'" Akko said, "do you mean, like, final for today, or final for my life? Because if you think this is gonna be the last embarrassing thing to ever happen to me you must be really optimistic and I'm glad you believe in me but really that's not something you can gua--" A dusty incandescent light bulb clicked on in her head. "Ooooh, that means 'kill you!'"

Akko fell silent.

"Oh shit that means 'kill you!'" She screamed and thrashed against the chains keeping her in place.

A wall to her left exploded, and Diana burst through, wand in hand, and, bless every god who cared about this sort of thing, dressed like Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman in sheer pantyhose, but that would be what Diana wanted to add, not that anyone else knew it because it was a bedtime-with-Diana-fun-time deal. "Akko!" she said, voice mighty as thunder as she barreled across the floor, taking aim with her wand, "I'm coming--whoops!" She slipped and skidded across the ground thanks to a fine layer of wax or grease or whatever applied to the floor, sending her helplessly skating across the floor, up a ramp laid across the stone steps leading to the divot, and flopping into the divot in an awkward heap.

"Diana, you cool?" Akko said.

"Urgh..." Diana said, "mostly. I took that with my shoulder..." She climbed up Akko, and soon they were face to face in very complimentary superheroine outfits. Diana blushed. "Akko... you're looking well."

"Diana, you're looking super hot," Akko said. "Hey, uh, this might be short notice and people are watching, but doyouthinkwecanbang?"

"Pardon?" Diana said, blushing heavier.

"Sorry, just, wow, babe, you look really, like--"

The pig-child pulled the lever.

The dinosaur skull tilted forward and opened and a massive wad of green goop, exactly like what had fallen on Wangari earlier, fell on Akko and Diana.

Cameras flashed.

"You cool?" Akko said after spitting out some of the glop what had gotten into her mouth.

"Physically, yes," Diana said.

"We're not dead or dying?" Akko said.

"I don't think so," Diana said, checking herself. "Pretty certain I'm going to need some decent shampoo after we get out, though." She tugged a handful of slime from her hair and flung it into the divot.

"Ah, well," Akko said, "all's well that ends--"

That was when Akko noticed the lights had come up and a good couple dozen of students from Luna Nova had been waiting in the darkness behind the banks o' TV screens, some of whom were giggling or laughing or taking phone pictures. Others were joining in cheers of "Happy birthday, Akko!" in no real coherence. And Sucy... well, judging by how low she sat in the chair and that distinctive red cast to her skin, she'd just, well, completed a transaction, so to speak.

Don't ask how she knew when Sucy had completed a transaction.

"Ahhhhhh," Sucy said. "Sweet vengeance."

"Swhut now?" Amanda said, looking up.

"Did I miss somethin'?" Wangari said.

"The climax, bitches," Sucy said, fanning herself. The velociraptor looked at her, tilting its head, and then hopped out of her lap.

To Akko's intense delight, by the time Diana magicked her out of the restraints, got her out of the divot, and zapped much of the slime from her hair (Akko reciprocated, it was only polite, and the raptor had been distracted by her , the raptor was at her feet; it looked up at her, wiggled its little hips, and hopped six feet straight up, flapping once such that it landed on Akko's hair. It settled its backside on her hair-blob and chirped.  Akko reached up; the dinosaur didn't seem offended.  With all due reverence, Akko ran her un-slimed hand across its soft, slick feathers.  It was acceptably warm.

"Diana?" Akko said.

"Yes, dearest?" Diana said.

_"This is my best birthday ever."_

Diana smiled.  "I love you," she said, and kissed Akko, who kissed her back, warm and firm and full of love.

"Lil' Akko!" Jasminka said. "I made you some chocolate layer cake like you said you liked on Witch Facebook!"

"I got you that fight-Thanos board game!" Lotte said, holding a box emblazoned with Thanos's intense grimace.

"Yes! We're gonna eat like queens and give Thanos the business at last! Did we bring food for the raptor?"

The raptor screamed at its own ass.

Jasminka sniffled. "I... I think I have a little possum feed left..."

Akko sloshed over to the Luna Nova students, who, it turned out, were gathered around an expansive snack table stocked by Jasminka (so they knew it was amazing), Diana right behind.

"That-- _dude_!" Amanda said. "You called that embarrassing? I thought you were like gonna project sex videos or whatever!"

"You just don't have a taste for the finer things in life, O'Neill," Sucy said.

The pig-child removed their mask, revealing themselves to be Constanze. She saluted her creation, teary-eyed at the perfection of her 1:1 scale Slime Pit.

"Don't you see?  You disrespect the slime, you disrespect the Constanze," Sucy said. "And you know what that means."

Sucy whistled and a remote control dangled from the ceiling. Amanda turned tail and ran straight into another glob of slime dropped from the ceiling, which knocked her to the floor with a mighty splash.

"Gotcha, bitch," Sucy said, shooting her with a finger-gun. She looked to her side and saw Wangari adjusting her footing away from the puddle of goop that splashed where she would have run to had she run. "Oooh, gettin' a sixth sense for these, eh?"

"You might could say," Wangari said, nuzzling up to Sucy. "Thanks for the footage, babe."

"You're welcome," Sucy said, hitting a concealed button on her throne.

The biggest slime-glob yet landed directly on the both of them.

"...you friggin' weirdo," Wangari said, not overly irritated.

Constanze pouted.

Sucy snapped her fingers and a final glob landed on Constanze. From within her goopy shell Cons extended a hand with a proudly-raised thumb.

"Now, you too are a master of the universe," Sucy said.

"Best," Akko said, feeding a caper to her new velociraptor friend, "birthday, e-v-e-r-r-r-r-!"

* * *

Akko and Diana had lots of cosplay lesbian sex later.


End file.
